Our Independent Fostering Agency's Therapeutic Parenting Strategy

How does a therapeutic parenting strategy work?

It only works within a relationship where some kind of connection and attunement is present. Though as we know connecting with our children and young people can be challenging as they often reject our efforts to connect. So sometimes to help a child or young person feel safer to connect, it might help to start by developing a connection in a way that feels tolerable to you both.

Developing or repairing a connection can start at a distance and move in over time as attunement and trust grows. Here are some ideas for both, connecting from a distance and tolerable nurture.

Connecting from a distance for me is letting them know that you are holding them in mind even if you are not with them.

• A note in their school bag
• A favourite treat as a surprise in their snack box
• Have a special ring tone on your phone that belongs to them - I have really silly ones
• Put a baby monitor in their room so they can hear you sleeping
• Give them something to keep safe for you
• Draw a symbol on their hand and yours and every time you press it, it sends a virtual hug or kiss to the other person
• Spray a little bit of your perfume on their school uniform
• Text them or WhatsApp them
• Sit outside their room

Tolerable Nurture offers reconnection in a manageable way, as it can often be daunting to re-connect with a child who has been violent or rejecting to them. You can show them that you hold them in mind even if you are in a different room.

• Sitting next to them to watch a film or TV
• Playing on the Xbox or Play station with them
• Putting up photos of you together in every room
• Go swimming and dive for weights together
• A visible memory box
• Keep the texts they send
• Spur of the moment disco/karaoke
• Sing happy songs I include their name
• Touching their hand or shoulder briefly
• Mini dates often work for spaces to talk

Aly Thompson

Clinical Lead

Mosaic Foster Care