I’m Still Fostering at 72 – Why Age Is No Barrier to Becoming a Foster Carer
Helping children recover from trauma as a foster parent takes a certain sort of person. They are required to wear many hats – mentor, advocate, friend – all while navigating the many and varied needs of their foster child.
For that reason, at Mosaic Foster Care we have many different types of people and family set-ups who, as foster parents, deliver the care vulnerable young people need to recover and flourish.
Alan started his fostering journey as a single man, aged 68.
After playing top-flight rugby union for 20 years – including 5 years at Saracens and the rest at a spell playing for Southend RFC – and a near-50-year career in the construction industry, Alan found himself, in his own words, ‘bored - and ready to give something back to society’.
From construction site to fostering panel
The couple of decades before Alan’s arrival at Mosaic Foster Care were turbulent, to say the least.
His wife died 22 years ago and Alan was diagnosed with cancer not long before his 60th birthday. It’s fair to say these events lent him some perspective.
He said: “When I retired as a site manager, almost immediately a good friend of mine wanted me to renovate his house for him – we had to take the whole roof off and lots of other jobs.
“I knew for absolute certain that when that job was finished I would be bored and I would need something to do. Initially, I was just looking to give something back, because I believe in helping society as much as I can.
“The idea came from one of my friends who I used to work with. He used to foster, his wife worked in childcare and they recommended Mosaic Foster Care to me. I just phoned them up and that was it. A lady came round, did the provisional interview and then we went from there.
“And so, while finishing the house renovation, I went through fostering panel and joined up with Mosaic Foster Care aged 68.”
The initial fostering process is nothing to worry about – Mosaic Foster Care make it easy
Many people worry about that initial part of the fostering process – the invasive questions, the endless forms, the possibility of rejection. But Alan took it all in his stride.
He said: “I know people worry about all the checks and the panel process but it’s honestly nothing to worry about. They’re just asking questions that need to be answered.
“The first interview only takes 20 minutes, they do a preamble of what Mosaic’s like, a bit about what you’re like and that’s that. Then you’re handed across to a social worker who walks you through the panel process.
“You have a DBS check and they check your house is suitable, which obviously has to be done. Then you have to give references. So that was my two daughters and some friends locally that I’d known for years.
“I’d retired but they still checked in with my old firm and everything else. So it takes a long while because it has to be thorough. It took me six months to get through panel but that’s normal.”
There’s always someone you can get advice from in the Mosaic fostering family
Something Alan immediately understood about Mosaic was, as a foster parent, there’s always someone available when you’re looking for help.
Alan explained: “I’m on my second foster child now. He’s been with me two years. The one before was with me for a year but he was more complicated in terms of his needs. But you have to take the good with the bad. It’s not their fault. It’s the things they’ve been through.
“Mosaic Foster Care are so good at helping you with all of that. They’ve got a therapist for the children and they’ve got a counsellor for you. So, any problems you’ve got, you can talk to your therapist . I see her once a month but you can see them every week.
“The social workers come round every six weeks minimum just to make sure you’re OK and the kids are OK and see if there’s any help they can give you. So it’s great support from Mosaic.
“But where Mosaic Foster Care really comes into its own is the help being available when you need it. The emergency social worker will come out any time you need them. Because my boys have been a bit older, I’ve never had to call them out in the middle of the night but that’s available.
“It was a bit awkward with my first foster child because he wouldn’t look after his room or shower but you can’t force 17 and 18-year-olds to do anything.
“You’ve just got to try and talk to them and the Mosaic team are great at giving you help and advice for those conversations. Together, you can get through tricky situations like that.”
Mosaic understands exactly what you need to be a foster parent
Another common concern among those thinking about becoming a foster parent is what skills and attributes are required to be a success at it.
Alan said: “I’m still doing this aged 72 but that’s no barrier, you can be a foster parent as long as you’re relatively fit and healthy. It’s all about how old you feel. I keep active and I feel like I’m a young 72 so I’m happy to keep going.
“He gets me out a lot, I go to places I would never have gone to because he's into the Air Force and he also does things with me, like I take him to the rugby with my brother so we’re always out and about.”
Mosaic’s financial package is also key, giving foster parents like Alan what he needs to live – as well as pay for the odd treat here and there.
Alan said: “It’s not about the money and every foster parent will tell you that. But if you’re of working age and you’re the main carer, you can’t work so that has to be reconciled, you need money to live and Mosaic Foster Care understands that.
“I’m retired and drawing my pensions but being a foster parent naturally costs me money. Mosaic does things like pay your expenses like petrol if you’re out for the day so it doesn’t cost you anything. It all helps make your life a little bit easier.
“As a foster parent you run around like you would for any teenager or for any of your kids and Mosaic offer you three weeks respite care to recharge your batteries.
“I only use three days a year of my allocation to go to the European rugby final with my brother and two nephews. That’s the only time I leave him, because he’s not hard work, he’s a good boy.
“But for families who are up all night or struggling to make progress with their foster child, that opportunity to have a proper physical and mental rest is a Godsend.”
An understanding family is important
Alan’s two daughters and five grandchildren live a good distance away, which was part of the reason Alan started fostering in the first place. But, as a foster parent, is it important that your nearest and dearest are on board?
Alan said: “I’m very close to my brother and my nephews and they thought I was crazy when I first suggested fostering.
“But I’ve got a good family because they totally accept the boy that I've got, he gets his Christmas presents and birthday presents off them, he loves that.
“You need to make sure it fits in with your family because if you’ve got other kids and they’re close by, they are going to be affected as much as you are. You can’t keep this person who is going to be sharing your life as an individual or an outsider.
“As long as your family accepts what you’re doing you’re OK because that’s part of your back-up, not just Mosaic.”
I don’t beat around the bush – that’s just who I am
Alan worked his entire life on building sites and around construction people. What life preparation does he think that gave him to become a foster parent?
“Jenna Pearman, Mosaic Foster Care’s Practice Manager, says I’m the most laid-back foster parent she’s ever seen!
“I looked after a boy for three months on a respite basis. When it was time for him to go back to his foster parents he said: “I want to stay with Alan – because he’s not posh.”
I said: “What do you mean? We do use knife and forks here!” I do try to say it like it is with the boys, I try not to beat around the bush too much. That’s just who I am, it’s how I was brought up.
“Part of my role is trying to prepare him for life when he’s on his own. You’ve got to budget your money. You’ve got to understand how the world works.
“Let’s tell it like it is – I’m 72, I could die at any time. I’m fit and well and let’s pray nothing happens but you never know. When he goes out into the real world he needs to know about paying bills.
“But he’s a teenager, he still doesn’t understand, it goes in one ear and straight out the other. So what I’m trying to do as a foster parent is get him to understand how the world works.”
All we try to do as foster parents is give children a life
Alan’s been a foster parent for five years now. Along the way he’s learnt lessons and developed his own techniques on the best way to do it.
He said: “I would say to anyone thinking about becoming a foster parent – just go for it. Try it. Commit to it. Talk to people like Mosaic Foster Care about it.
“You need a lot of patience, although I don’t consider myself to be exceptionally patient. Accept things. If you can’t change things and it’s not hurting anyone, then go with it. You’ve just got to be there for them.
“I took him to see his mum for the first time in five years and that was a 450-mile round trip in one day. That’s for him, no-one else. I wanted to do the right thing.
“Fostering is not for everyone. My brother knows for a fact he couldn’t do it. He’s not as laid back as me. But if you’re going to do it, do it with an organisation like Mosaic Foster Care who will support you from day one.
“My counsellor is (Mosaic Therapist) Diane and she’s absolutely brilliant. Millie (Mosaic Senior Supervising Social Worker) has been fantastic and Jenna really helped me get through panel.
“You get attached to the Mosaic team because they’re all so good at what they do.”
In the end, for Alan, it all boils down to a simple philosophy.
“You’re just trying to give them a life. Just help them. All we’re trying to do is help.”
About Mosaic Foster Care
Mosaic Foster Care is an independent fostering agency providing Ofsted Outstanding rated therapeutic foster care across Essex, Suffolk, Bedfordshire including Milton Keynes, Hertfordshire, North Kent, Northamptonshire and Worcestershire. Our mission is to ensure every child in our care thrives in a stable, nurturing home. We achieve this by providing long-term foster placements and by carefully matching children and foster parents. We keep caseloads small and embed in-house professionally delivered therapy and youth support into everyday practice – so no child is ever left waiting for the critical support they need. Foster parents receive more than £700 per week after training and benefit from ongoing professional development, and a community that truly understands the rewards and challenges of fostering.