‘When they slip their hand in yours – it just makes your heart melt’: Thelma and Daniel’s fostering story with Mosaic Foster Care
Mosaic Foster Care foster parent THELMA and her son Daniel decided to become foster parents together after the death of Thelma’s mum, who had dementia.
Daniel had worked in care homes and cared for his grandmother for nine years before deciding he’d like the chance to go into foster care, with Thelma by his side.
Thelma explained how they initially became involved with another foster agency.
“Daniel researched and found the first agency,” she says. “They were rated outstanding by Ofsted and we started fostering with them. They were based in London and I’m not saying they weren’t a good agency because they were – but Mosaic Foster Care is much better. The level of support from Mosaic Foster Care is just higher, for both us and the child.”
How Mosaic Foster Care supports foster parents from day one
For Thelma and Daniel, that high level of support and involvement started on day one.
Thelma said: “With the first agency, we weren’t involved in the placement process at all. They just said ‘This is the child we would like you to look after – can you let us know if you can do it by this date?’.
“They gave us very little information – because in fairness there’s very limited information they can give out – but you need to be fully involved in the process because the child only gets the best outcome if you know you can manage their needs right from the start.
“That only comes through a lot of prior discussion and we got that with Mosaic, we were fully involved right from the start.
“But with that first agency, we had no way of knowing if we were going to be able to cope with that placement. We didn’t understand really what we were doing.
“We were with the first agency for 18 months. I heard through a friend about Mosaic Foster Care, rang them up and discussed our situation with them. They were incredibly helpful and approachable and talked us through how we would go about transferring.
“We transferred across with the child in placement and that placement reached a natural conclusion after another 18 months.”
For their second placement with Mosaic Foster Care, the discussions were much more thorough.
Thelma explained: “There was lots of talks about what we thought we could cope with. There are lots of different situations that present themselves and some people cope better with some situations than others. Our social worker was very experienced and so incredibly supportive.”
Putting the child first while supporting the whole foster family
At this time, Mosaic found themselves with a child who could not stay with their current foster family and so began looking for another foster carer within the agency. Thelma and Daniel fit the bill perfectly.
Thelma said: “That type of transfer helps a lot because usually the child can stay in the same school. They will have built some relationships with children in the agency because they go to activity days so they can maintain a lot of the existing network around them.
“When the placement is agreed, Mosaic negotiate a fair return for the foster carers but they also negotiate therapy support for the child as part of the package.
“We hadn’t seen that before. Our first foster child didn’t have it because it wasn’t negotiated at the beginning.
“It makes a huge difference. Mosaic are there to support the child all the way through – and they also support the foster parents. The child always comes first, obviously. But not at the expense of you and your family.”
How to transfer from one fostering agency to another – without disrupting the child
Many prospective foster parents worry about the difficulties involved in moving from one agency to another. You can read all about the process – and how straightforward Mosaic Foster Care makes it – here.
Thelma explained: “It is more complicated than if you come straight in without a child in placement. It takes a little while but Mosaic were very supportive with that, so it was just about being patient really.
“Mosaic need to have all the paperwork in place. In this case, it’s called a Form F, which is quite a lengthy document.
“You get quite a few visits from a social worker and they build up gradually, going through the Form F with you, Essentially, it’s a lot of questions they ask you so they can understand what sort of person you are.
“At the end of that process, you go to panel, and you sit in front of the panel, and you’re then hopefully approved to be a foster carer. So it can be a bit of a lengthy process but, if it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be a robust system would it?”
For some people, the panel experience is perhaps the most intimidating part of the whole fostering process. How did Thelma and Daniel find it?
“Well, you’re obviously nervous. I was nervous the second time as well as the first time, but they do everything they can to put you at your ease.
“But actually, it just flows and it isn’t scary at all. You’re being assessed by caring people. It’s not like in the world of business where they’re trying to catch you out. They just want to bring the best out of you.
“For Daniel and myself, we share the care the same way as any other foster parent. You can be foster parents as a couple, as a single person or, as in our case, as a mother and adult son – it’s all the same thing really.”
How therapeutic support helps foster parents make confident decisions
Many people talk about the support Mosaic Foster Care offers to the children and foster parents it works with. But what does that support look like in reality?
Thelma explained: “There’s therapy for the child but foster parents also get therapeutic sessions. That’s led by how much of that support you want. It can be weekly or fortnightly or even once a month.
“And that really helps because once you’ve talked through a situation, it helps you decide a way forward – it just makes it easier to have that perspective and helps you to understand why that situation might be arising.
“Mosaic also has therapeutic workshops. So, for example, every Monday morning, it’s called a reflective area. We can all come in on a meeting and if anybody’s got any concerns, they can talk about them.
“It definitely helps to talk to other foster carers. We form our own little friendships as well, just as you do as a parent. You go to the school gates and chat to the other parents.
“Mosaic arranges coffee mornings. They have two every month, one in Colchester, one in Southend. So that’s always a nice way to get together to talk to other foster carers.
“We also have 21 days a year where we can request for the child to go to a supportive foster carer within the agency.
“So we get time off, just as you would with your child if they go to stay with their grandparents for a few days. The child knows where they are going and it’s actually a bit like a holiday for them.
“For us, it’s a chance to recharge your batteries and that time is really valuable.”
Foster parent pay: why fair allowances matter for long-term fostering
Another question every prospective foster parent asks is about the money. How much do foster parents get paid? Is it enough to give up work?
Thelma said: “Yes, Mosaic Foster Care pays its foster parents enough to live on. The precise amount is negotiated in the beginning and Mosaic ensures a fair reward for you.
“No-one does this for the money. By the same token, we all have to live. There are things you have to supply for the child and you do want to be reimbursed as fairly as you can be.
“I feel Mosaic do negotiate a fair basic reward and you can also claim expenses. So when you’re taking the child to or from school or to and from activities, you can claim mileage. You can claim car parking. When we go to our coffee mornings, we can claim five pounds each for refreshments. These things make a huge difference.
“We’ve just done five years with Mosaic Foster Care and a really nice surprise was that we were given a £250 voucher to spend wherever we wanted as a thank-you.
“We’ve decided we’re going to have theatre tickets with it and we’ll take the child with us to that. It’s nice to have something that you can remember.”
24/7 fostering support: what it really looks like in practice
While that kind of memory making sounds wonderful, there are other types of memories foster parents are more likely to want to forget. Being woken at 3.30am by an unsettled young person who is refusing to return to bed is no-one’s idea of fun and requires a reservoir of mental energy that not just anyone can call on.
Thelma said: “Mosaic Foster Care has an out-of-hours number available to you all the time. So you can ring that number and they will talk you through what you can try and establish if they need to come and help you.
“I’ve never been in the position of having to deal with an issue in the middle of the night but I have called Mosaic out of hours and got the help I needed. When that happens, the follow-up is outstanding, they keep close in touch and keep asking you how things are.
“I feel that support is much more available than it was with the other agency.
“Mosaic Foster Care provides supervising social workers with whom we meet every month. So if we need anything, we can ring our social worker, they are our first port of call.
“If for any reason you can’t get hold of them, there are lots of other people in the Mosaic offices who we can ring for help and advice. It’s blanket coverage, there’s always someone available.”
What character traits do people need to be a good foster parent?
Thelma said: “I think it’s helpful to have felt some trauma in your own life to maybe better understand where the trauma comes from.
“If you’ve had some loss in your life – maybe lost somebody dear to you – it helps you understand loss and trauma.
“But you don’t necessarily realise that until you’re put in that situation. That’s one of the things about fostering – it brings out character traits you don’t realise you have. I would never have described myself as a patient person but you do have to be patient to be a foster parent, no doubt about it.
“You have to learn to manage aspects of your life differently, be more open-minded and non-judgemental because your life can turn in an instant. That’s what’s happened to some of the young people who find themselves looking for a foster family and you have to try to put yourself in their shoes to even begin to be able to help them.”
Another issue potential foster parents sometimes struggle to come to terms with is the fact the young person will one day turn 18 and perhaps not need them anymore. Is there any advice or tips for people in that situation?
Thelma said: “The fact they’ve grown and can then hopefully go onto flourish as adults is rewarding enough to make up for the fact they might not need you as much. They’ve gone out into the world and become lovely adults.
“And don’t forget – all along the way, you’re seeing them mature and change gradually so it’s not like this vulnerable young person just suddenly disappears.
“You’re working toward their independence all the time, just as you would your own child. It’s obviously hard when your children go out into the world but it’s also great to see them flourish as adults.”
Building trust with a foster child: why connection takes time
When all the practical elements are stripped away – the process, the money, the meetings – ultimately what does Thelma regard as the engine that keeps her going as a foster parent?
“It’s the bonds you build up gradually over time. Obviously when they first come, you don’t have that bond with them.
“The bond has to be built but there are little wins along the way that keep you going. And when you’re going through the tough times, that’s when you call on the support that you really need.
“There are lots of little wins along the way that gradually grow into something and when you see the impact you’ve had on a young person, that is why you do it.
“If you want to make a difference to a child’s life, then make the call to a fostering agency because you really can make a difference.
“When they slip their hand in yours – it just makes your heart melt, really.
“When you can feel the trust building and they can start to trust you, I think that is the thing that makes what you do as a foster parent worth it.”
About Mosaic Foster Care
Mosaic Foster Care is an independent fostering agency providing Ofsted Outstanding rated therapeutic foster care across Essex, Suffolk, Bedfordshire including Milton Keynes, Hertfordshire, North Kent, Northamptonshire and Worcestershire. Our mission is to ensure every child in our care thrives in a stable, nurturing home. We achieve this by providing long-term foster placements and by carefully matching children and foster parents. We keep caseloads small and embed in-house professionally delivered therapy and youth support into everyday practice – so no child is ever left waiting for the critical support they need. Foster parents receive more than £700 per week after training and benefit from ongoing professional development, and a community that truly understands the rewards and challenges of fostering.